Coping with the death of a loved one can be a crushing task. There are so many things to do and details to remember; all of this at a time when each small task can serve as a reminder of your loss. At such a time it can be helpful to know that you’re not going through this alone; there are a number of people who can help when you begin to feel overwhelmed. To relieve some of the stress, and help ensure that no important task is forgotten, we offer a list of people to call after the death of a loved one:

Funeral home - This will likely be your first call. The funeral home you or your loved one has selected will be able to help you with a lot of the immediate details and tasks. The funeral director will also be able to help you obtain 10-20 copies of the death certificate, something you will need later.

Family and Friends - This probably goes without saying. Not only will you want to notify family and friends, but they can also help with a lot of the endless tasks and overwhelming details. Don’t be afraid to delegate.

Veteran’s office (if deceased was a Vet.) - If the deceased was a Veteran you may have to stop benefit payments; you may also be able to get assistance with the funeral or memorial service.

The deceased’s employer - You will need to do this not only to inform the employer of the death, but also regarding termination of health insurance.

Attorney or Tax Professional - You will need to know what to do about probating the deceased’s estate, filing tax returns, dealing with bank accounts, etc. An attorney or tax professional can help. It is especially important to find out if your loved one had any existing estate documents.

Office of Social Security - If your loved one was receiving benefits you’ll need to stop payments. You will also want to find out if survivors are entitled to any benefits.

Insurance company of the deceased – You will probably need to file a claim. This is something your attorney or accountant may be able to help with.

Local Newspaper - You’ll want to publish an obituary or notice of death, as well as information about the funeral or memorial service.

Credit card companies and utilities - Give notification of death and pay off any remaining balances.

Bank - Arrange to change any joint accounts or to open an account in your name. Do not close any accounts right away!

Although this list is a good starting point; a complete list of people to call and things to do will depend on where the deceased lived and the details of their estate. Contact your loved one’s estate planning attorney (or your own) to ensure that nothing is left to chance.

When people think about estate planning they generally think about inheritance, or taxes, or even guardianship—but rarely are the words “executor” or “agent” the first ones that come to mind. And yet, choosing your executor or your agent is one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make.

Your executor is the person who carries out the instructions in your will. You may spend hours (sometimes months or even years) agonizing over inheritance plans and making decisions; but in the end, when the time comes for all of those decisions to be implemented, you’re not going to be around. If there are any questions to be answered or clarifications to be made they’re going to fall to your executor.

Your agent is the person who—depending on whether the document is a health care directive or a financial power of attorney—will make your important financial or health care decisions when you are unable. This person is your proxy during your life, signing checks on your behalf or talking to doctors about your treatment.

Considering all of this, it is understandable why so many people have trouble naming an agent or executor. It’s not easy to choose your own replacement, so to speak. But the most difficult decisions are often the most important. If you are a parent of more than one child then you know about the sibling fights that can erupt seemingly out of nowhere, even in loving and agreeable families. This is especially true when there is any uncertainty about what mom or dad’s true wishes were. The right agent or executor can relieve much of that uncertainty.

So how do you choose the right agent or executor?

First of all, think it through carefully. Choose someone reliable, whose decisions you trust. You’ll want someone who’s careful; and you’ll want to choose someone who isn’t already overloaded, because they’ll need to have time to do a thorough job. Choose someone who knows you and who knows your family; a familiar face will be comforting in hard times. On the other hand, nominating a financial institution rather than a personal friend can work out well under the right circumstances, but research your choices carefully.

If there isn’t one clear choice you may decide to nominate two people to make decisions together. This can be a good alternative, but it can also be a recipe for disaster, so be sure to build in some protections: name an uneven number of agents or executors to prevent tie-decisions, or nominate a mediator or tie-breaker who can step in to prevent serious disagreements from having to be decided in court.

Wealthy grandparents have a unique opportunity this year to give their grandchildren gifts of substantial value without incurring any gift tax. This is a huge savings opportunity!—so why aren’t more people taking advantage of it?

Part of the reason may be lack of awareness. Everyone knows about the Bush administration’s year-long repeal of the estate tax, but very few people seem to be aware that the Bush tax cuts included a year-long lapse of the generation-skipping transfer (GST) tax as well. According to this article in Reuters, “generous grandparents could give away $3.5 million without paying the [GST] tax” during 2010.

But before you call the grandkids with the good news, consider whether or not you feel comfortable giving them such a large sum outright. If your grandkids are still young (and not yet responsible about money and finances) you may not want them having such a large sum to play with; and unfortunately, giving the gift in trust is not an option in this case. “To take full advantage of the GST tax break, assets should be transferred directly to beneficiaries and not to a trust. Money placed into a trust may lead to taxes when distributions are made later on.”

If your grandchildren are responsible adults, and if you’ve been considering giving them a monetary gift anyway, this lapse in the generation-skipping transfer tax could be just the push you need. Talk to your attorney or financial advisor about your gift-giving options.



If you have a favorite cause or charity you have probably considered leaving some money to that charity in your will. Perhaps you’ve even taken it a step further and toyed with the idea of specifying that the executor of your will set up a trust in the name of your favorite charity, rather than simply giving a one-time gift.

If you have ever considered either of these options you may want to ask your estate planner about setting up a Charitable Remainder Trust, which, according to this Elder Law Answers article, not only supports your favorite charity after your death, it also benefits you during your lifetime.

“A charitable remainder trust is an irrevocable trust that provides you (and possibly your spouse) with income for life. You place assets into the trust and during your lifetime you receive a set percentage from the trust. When you die, the remainder in the trust goes to the charity (or charities) of your choice.”

The altruistic reasons for setting up a charitable remainder trust are obvious, but here are some other advantages you may not have considered:

* Reduction of your taxable income

* Charitable tax deduction at the time you fund the trust

* Diversification of assets

* Income from the trust during your lifetime

In addition to all of these financial advantages, setting up a charitable remainder trust provides you with the opportunity to leave a family legacy and impress your values upon your children and grandchildren.

Please remember that charitable remainder trusts are irrevocable trusts, which means once they’re done they can’t be undone, so it’s not something to take lightly.  If you are interested in creating a charitable remainder trust, call our office or talk about it with your own attorney before you take action.

This may seem like we’re listening to a broken record, but once again Congress’ inability to act is creating uncertainty in the estate-tax-planning world. We’re little over 3 months away from a major upheaval in the estate tax, and according to the New York Times the upcoming law is likely to cause a lot of grumbling unless Congress takes action. And it’s no wonder when the new law will mean that more families are taxed at a higher percentage:

“The amount of each estate that is exempt from estate tax is scheduled to become $1 million in 2011 (down from $3.5 million in 2009, when the tax was last in effect). The tax on the balance is to rise to 55 percent in most cases (up from the 2009 rate of 45 percent). So now is the time to consider the various tax strategies available.”

What this lower exemption rate really means, however, is that more families will be caught off-guard when a loved one passes away and the survivors are suddenly hit with a massive tax bill.

That is unless families start planning now.

The Times article mentioned above suggests that “the easiest way to reduce the tax bill is to give as much as $13,000 a year each to as many people as you like — which you can do without paying gift tax;” but when you consider how little $1 million really is (especially when the value of your home, retirement savings, etc. are all included when adding up your total assets) we’re guessing that there are a lot of people out there who are over the exemption amount, but don’t feel they can afford to go handing out $13,000 every year. Much more appealing are some of the other planning strategies suggested in the article, including:

* “Buy a one- or two-year [life insurance] term policy to cover the tax bill if the exemption amount is only $1 million.” The policy will help your heirs cover what could be a hefty tax bill, but the policy “[could] be canceled if Congress eases your estate tax concerns;” and

* “Create a trust.” The article suggests a GRAT (Grantor Retained Annuity Trust), which is a great tool for high-value assets that are expected to appreciate during your lifetime; but for married couples simply looking for a way to protect their children from a hefty federal estate tax down the road a Credit Shelter Trust may be a better option.

There are a number of other ways you might be able to prepare for the coming estate tax upheaval—the best way to protect your own family is to contact an estate planning attorney and ask about your options.

We’ve written often on this blog about the concerns that caregiver children have for their elderly parents, but that’s only one side of the story. Many families also have an adult child living far from home, and though the concerns of the long-distance child may be different from the one who lives down the street, they’re no less important. Here are some of the more common concerns we hear about in our office, and some suggestions for addressing them:

I worry that when I talk to my parents on the phone I’m not getting the whole truth about their health or situation. This is one of the most common concerns of long-distance children. The best thing to do is be up front with your parents. Tell them that you want—and need—to know the truth, even if they think it will worry you. If you still don’t think they’re being completely honest, enlist the help of a sibling or nearby friend or neighbor who can be your eyes and ears. You can also ask your parents to sign a waiver with their doctor giving him or her permission to share their medical details with you.

I’m afraid that my mom is losing the ability to manage her money and could end up broke. Seniors are the most common victims of financial fraud, and it’s hard to keep tabs on mom or dad if you live far away. The best way to prevent financial fraud is to talk about money with your parents early and often. It may go against the grain, but discuss your own finances with them if it will help them open up about theirs. Visit as often as you can and watch their mail for letters from promotion companies or shady looking “charities”; and put your parent’s phone number on the National Do Not Call registry (1.888.382.1222 or www.donotcall.gov)

I feel guilty that my sister (who lives in the same town as my parents) is shouldering the bulk of the burden. The sibling who lives closest does often end up being the physical caretaker of elderly parents, but that doesn’t mean those who live far away can’t help. The most common contribution from long-distance children is financial support—and that’s no small thing! Offer to pay for a housekeeper, in-home care assistant, taxi service, etc. And don’t forget to talk to your sister about what she needs. Helping your caregiver sibling is another way of helping your parents.

I love my parents; I want to do more to help than just give them money. A common complaint of seniors is loneliness and fear of being forgotten. One way to help your parent and help calm your own fears is to simply keep in touch. Make a point of calling your parent on a weekly or bi-weekly basis. Send frequent cards or e-mails. Plan a family vacation that your elderly parent can be a part of. You can help your parents with your expertise as well; try to be involved in “the big stuff” such as meetings with estate planners, financial planners, nursing staff, or geriatric care managers. And most importantly, work regular trips to visit your mom or dad into the budget. There’s really no substitute for face-to-face communication.

I think that my siblings close to mom and dad are making the wrong decisions for them, or are pressuring them to make decisions they don’t really want to make. Undue influence is a serious accusation, and if you truly think your siblings may be threatening or manipulating your parent you should seek the help of a professional. Before you take irreversible action you need to have a private conversation with your parent; ask if they are being coerced and try to determine if fear is a factor. If you still think your parent is being manipulated against their will contact an elder law attorney immediately.

I don’t want to miss out on what could be my last moments with my parent. There’s just no way around it, your parents won’t be here forever, and nobody wants to feel that there were things left unsaid. If you truly worry that your parent is facing his or her last days the best advice we can give is to go visit if at all possible, and make your visit matter. Look through old photos, talk about your memories, and say the things that need to be said. If you can’t visit in person make phone calls or send letters. Don’t save your best sentiments for the eulogy—tell your parents how important they are to you today.

It is common knowledge that 2010 is a great year for heirs. If you didn’t know about the 2010 estate tax repeal, all the media coverage of George Steinbrenner’s recent death (and his heirs’ lucky tax break) probably alerted you. Everybody is saying that 2010 is a good year to die… But what about those of us who plan to live through 2010?

According to the New York Times even hale and hearty individuals can save on their taxes in 2010—it just takes a little more planning. “A bigger issue [than the estate tax]… has become the gift tax, which is linked to the estate tax to prevent people from giving away their fortune in life to avoid taxes at death. It now stands at 35 percent, the lowest rate since the 1930s.” The gift tax is a tax on money or property that you give to another individual while you are still living. Currently an individual may give up to $13,000 per year (or up to $26,000 if you give as a married couple) without incurring gift tax.

If you’re a wealthy parent or grandparent trying to decrease your taxable estate through gift-giving, this is the year to do it for a number of reasons. First, of course, is the historically low 35% gift tax rate. Second, “in addition to the historically low rate, another reason to make sizable gifts this year is that the values of many assets are still depressed. Long-held stocks, real estate and shares in private businesses could all increase in value, and giving them away now will allow them to appreciate with your heirs and not in your estate.” A final reason to consider giving your large gifts before the year is over is that the 35% rate won’t last forever; the gift tax is expected to rise to 55% next year.

How can you take advantage of this lucky confluence of events? Well, as always when you’re dealing with large sums of money (not to mention dealing with the IRS), you’ll want to be careful. We do NOT recommend that you simply write a check for $13,000+. Contact your estate planner or your financial planner to find out how you can safely reduce your taxable estate while giving security to the people you love.

There are five common myths that frustrate all estate planners—particularly because we know that not only are they patently untrue, but also because their continued circulation can be harmful.

1. Estate Planning is only for rich people. This is probably the single most common estate planning myth there is—and it is a myth. During a normal year the first $1 million dollars of your estate would transfer to your beneficiaries tax-free. (This is also the expected exemption amount for 2011.) By this standard it certain does seem that only “rich people” need estate planning, but when people add up the value of their home, their life insurance, savings, retirement account, etc., etc., etc. they often find that they are much closer to being a “rich person” than they thought. Not only this, but as we’ll get into in more detail below, estate planning is not only about saving on estate taxes, it’s also about controlling your wealth and protecting your own needs when the unexpected occurs.

2. “I have plenty of time.” AKA: Only old people need estate plans. First of all, just because you’re young doesn’t mean bad things can’t happen to you. But you know this, and anyway, this post is not about fear. Unexpected tragedies aside, an estate plan is useful even when you’re young because an estate plan is not just about death. A good estate plan will include not only a will, but also a healthcare directive and HIPAA Authorization (both of which are useful if you find yourself facing a surprise stay in the hospital), Power of Attorney documents (which you may need if you ever travel outside the country or are otherwise unable to sign for yourself on financial or legal documents), and legal documents relating to minor children (such as medical authorizations—an essential document if you leave your minor child with a babysitter for any extended period of time.)

3. Married people don’t need estate plans. While it is true that a married person with straightforward wishes for the distribution of their property has less need of estate planning, it does not necessarily follow that they can skip estate planning altogether. Under normal circumstances, any jointly held property will pass to the surviving spouse upon the death of the first spouse… But what happens if the surviving spouse gets re-married? What about the property you would specifically like to go to your children, or to your parents or siblings? And what if both you and your spouse die together? These are the reasons why even married people should consider drawing up a simple plan.

4. All I need is a quick will and I’m done. A quick will is certainly better than no will. And if you want to be technical, you don’t even need a quick will; after all, your state of residence has a plan already in place for you. The problem is that it may not be the plan you want. There is a saying that “anything worth doing is worth doing well.” This goes for wills (or any other legal document) as well. If you want the basics you can have the basics. But if you want the best, you’re going to need to spend a little more time on it.

5. Estate Planning is only about money. Although money is often one of the main motivating factors behind creating an estate plan, money is absolutely not what estate planning is all about. Estate planning is about people. It’s about your family and doing what’s right for them. Estate planning is not just about saving your family from estate taxes, or making sure Junior gets the house; it’s about leaving them peace of mind. A well thought-out will or trust saves them from a lengthy probate process, but also reassures siblings that they are doing what mom or dad really would have wanted. And a memorandum of intent gives you the opportunity to express the things that sometimes cannot be expressed during life. An estate plan is full of documents designed not just to save you or your heirs money, but to allow you to express your wishes and values even after your death. Estate Planning is about more than just money—it’s about family, legacy, and love.

We write often on our blog about specific pieces of the estate planning whole: elder law, retirement planning, estate administration, etc… But sometimes it’s important to pull back and look at the big picture—to remind ourselves why we’re doing all this in the first place. And the plain truth is that there is one main reason we do this: Love.

Now, “love” may sound sappy and sentimental, but when it comes down to it love truly is the only reason we would spend time and money thinking about the unpleasant subject of death, and planning for a time that we won’t be around to enjoy.

Estate Planning Ensures Your Minor Children Have a Home

Part of creating your estate plan includes nominating guardians for your minor children. Without this nomination your children are at the mercy of the court should anything happen to you. Estate planning also allows you to ensure that your minor children and their guardians have the financial security they need to make a smooth transition during a difficult time.

Estate Planning Preserves Sibling Relationships

There are fewer things more stressful to a family than the death of a beloved parent. And it is at this time more than any other that fights are liable to break out between normally loving siblings: Fights over what to do for mom’s funeral, over who gets treasured heirlooms, over who dad would have wanted to distribute the estate. All of these fights can be easily avoided by creating an estate plan that spells out your wishes in clear and loving terms.

Estate Planning Allows You to Provide for Your Children and Grandchildren

You spend a lifetime raising and caring for your children knowing that someday, when you’re gone, they’ll have to fend for themselves. Creating an estate plan allows you to leave a little bit behind, a cushion your children can hold in reserve in case of emergency. An estate plan allows you to continue providing for your children even after you’ve gone.

Estate Planning Leaves an Enduring Legacy

Estate planning is not just about finances and paperwork, it’s about relationships. Creating your estate plan allows you to brush away life’s minor details and minutia and focus on what’s really important, allowing you to connect with your loved ones in a more meaningful and lasting way than ever before. Your estate plan expresses your enduring values, leaving a legacy for your family that will live on for generations to come.

Elderly people and their families can spend months—sometimes years—looking for the perfect long-term care living arrangement. Most families try to avoid the nursing home option to the very end, believing that assisted living or small residential care homes provide a better quality of life. But is this fact or fiction?

Paula Span in her article on the NY Times New Old Age Blog suggests that “what variety of facility an older person lives in may matter less than we’ve assumed. And that the characteristics adult children look for when they begin the search aren’t necessarily what makes a difference to the people who move in.”

Span’s suggestion is based on (among other things) a recent study published in The Journal of Applied Gerontology, which found that among 150 Connecticut residents living in various long-term care situations (assisted living, nursing homes, residential care homes), the type of living situation itself made little difference in the resident’s emotional well-being. Rather, happiness and contentment was more a matter of “the characteristics of the specific environment they’re in, combined with their own personal characteristics — how healthy they feel they are, their age and marital status.”

Logically enough, a resident of a long-term care facility of any kind is more likely to report satisfaction and comfort if they had a hand in choosing their living situation, if they were part of the decision making process. In fact, it is the process itself—researching options, visiting facilities, considering current and future social and physical needs and how they will be met—that is the beginning of acclimatization.

Whatever your choice, you’ll want to know that you have options for paying for your long-term care living situation. Medicare.gov has published a chart summarizing and comparing the various options for long-term care financing. Or please feel free to contact our office for more information.