We write a lot on this blog about what estate planning is truly about: it’s about laws, taxes, assets, and documents of course; but deep down, estate planning is about relationships.

As estate planners and advisors, an important part of what we do is creating the best estate planning or asset protection vehicle we can for our clients; but achieving this goal involves far more than simply writing a document—it also involves listening to our clients, reading between the lines of sensitive family interactions, and it often involves looking into the future to catch potential problems before they happen.

A recent article in the Wall Street Journal describes the unorthodox lengths to which advisors will go to help clients achieve their goals. “For the family with the gridlocked siblings, [their financial advisor] arranged a session of personality-type charting with an outside expert. The tests showed one of the brothers-in-conflict to be a hard-driver who loved to make decisions on the fly. His brother was more analytical, and needed time to reach conclusions… Establishing that these conflicting traits are permanent characteristics has helped the brothers understand each other’s work habits and function better as a team. “

Our firm may not yet have had to arrange personality-type charting sessions, but this “running interference” or acting as a mediator and guide is exactly what we do. Evaluating goals, assessing relationships, identifying priorities and facilitating productive discussions is part and parcel of being a good estate planner and a great family attorney and advisor.

Estate planning and asset protection may sound like it’s about things and wealth, but a good advisor knows that it is always about family and relationships. Consider this when you’re looking for an estate planner: Do you want an advisor who is simply protecting your wealth, or do you want an advisor who is looking out for your future and your family?

Creating an estate plan is a very personal matter; the planning party usually consists of you, your partner, and your attorney. Although you may consider and provide for your extended family, they are not often a part of the planning process itself. However, there are some circumstances under which estate planning should be a family affair—perhaps even a multi-generational one.

Planning as an extended family has its time and place. This year the the generation-skipping transfer (GST) tax exemption means that more people than ever are bringing multiple generations of the family into the attorney’s office to talk about making gifts before the end of the year. But the GST tax exemption is not the only reason extended families might want to plan as a whole unit. Here are some other specific situations in which families might want to consider multi-generational planning:

* Planning for succession within a family business.

* When multiple generations of families own property together.

* If the family is responsible for significant debt.

* If a family has a history of supporting certain charitable foundations and desires to continue doing so.

* To provide for family members who live out of the country.

* To make provisions for a non-traditional family situation, such as unmarried partners.

Planning with your extended family doesn’t necessarily mean you won’t be able to create a private plan for you and your spouse as well. It is quite possible to create individual estate plans for each nuclear family while still respecting the decisions that the extended family made together. Of course, this process will be made much easier if the extended family and each nuclear family works with the same attorney, but it is certainly not necessary so long as each attorney and family is willing to communicate and act together.

If you aren’t sure if you should plan privately for your family or include your whole multi-generational unit in the process, give our office a call. We can help you look down the road ahead and create a plan of action that will make every member of your family feel secure.

According to a recent report put out by the Alzheimer’s Association, 5.3 million people have Alzheimer’s disease. Chances are that you or someone you know has been touched by this illness. In spite of these overwhelming statistics, Alzheimer’s continues to be a disease that sneaks up on individuals and their families, quietly tearing apart lives with uncertainty and confusion. Estate planners and elder law attorneys sometimes see this heartbreaking confusion in our own offices when elderly clients or their families come to us, concerned that a loved one no longer has the capacity to sign or make decisions about legal documents.

A new article in the New York Times discusses the slow and sometimes invisible development of Alzheimer’s disease, and some of the earliest warning signs that your loved one may be suffering. “New research shows that one of the first signs of impending dementia is an inability to understand money and credit, contracts and agreements.” This comes as particularly bad news to families who put off their estate planning year after year, each time telling themselves “We’ll do this next year for certain.”

By the time families come into our office with their suspicions about their aging loved one it may be too late for us to help. “Lawyers have guidelines, published in 2005, that include warning signs of diminished capacity, like memory loss and problems communicating and doing calculations. The guidelines instruct lawyers to look at the legal requirements for capacity in specific situations, like making a gift. But many questions remain.”

Plans created after the suspicion of Alzheimer’s or dementia has set in can be fraught with doubt, and often cause conflict among family members. We have seen the rifts and heartbreak the illness causes in even the strongest of families. We urge you to take care of important legal and estate planning issues early, before questions of competence can cast the shadow of doubt over your wishes.